This morning at prayer time in the car, Sophia said, "Mommy, thank you for staying home with me."
I am so grateful that I've been able to spend these 13 1/2 years at home with my kids. God has richly blessed us, and my husband has sacrificed a lot to make it possible. When I say richly blessed us, He has not blessed us with riches, but with clarity that we were doing His will for our lives. I drive an old, squeaky van, and I pick up my kids in my old jeans and old tennis shoes, but I am rich in other ways. I love being able to bring them their homework when they forget it, and being there to pick them up after school to hear all about their days and who said what to whom. I enjoy taking care of my family and making a home that is a resting place for them. Even though I gripe about it, I take pride in a clean, cozy house, and I love making lunches and folding clothes for my beloved family.
Being a mom will always be my number one job, but I think change might be on our horizon. I think the end is near for the chapter in my life called, "Thirteen years, Five kids, One Income." As I ponder the next chapter, which will hopefully be called, "Owning a Car That Has Less Than 140,000 Miles," or "Actually Being Able to Afford the Braces We Are Putting On Our Children's' Teeth," I am struck with fear and guilt, and a hint of excitement. Change is always scary for me, but it can be good, even great, if it is the will of God. I am most worried about my kids and how this change will affect them. Especially my little Sophia who would have to attend a full 5 day a week pre-school/day care program if I get a full time job. I am thinking of getting my Teacher's Certification for a few reasons. I really love kids, all kids, and I love the idea of getting to share some of the lessons I have learned as I've raised my little ones. I also think, if it is time for me to work, teaching is the best job because it is not year round. In a dream world, I could even work at the school that some of my children attend. We will see how God works it all out, but I just thought it was ironic that I have been contemplating this change all semester and this morning Sophia told me, "Thanks for staying home with me." I could interpret this a million ways. Instead, I think I will just take it at face value and I will just be grateful for what I have been given.
I know that God will lead us. I know that He will see us through. I know He loves my kids even more than I do and wants what is best for them even more than I do. I know that He doesn't want me to be afraid or full of guilt. He wants me to rejoice and trust. "For this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"